So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's never too late to be topless.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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