Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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