Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
