i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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