Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
