My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
