True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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