I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
