I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You made out with two different species that night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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