my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
