i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize