My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
