apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
