Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize