I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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