She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
