i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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