You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
