I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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