I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
