3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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