suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
