the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
