not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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