What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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