That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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