I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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