PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
