That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize