how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
