If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
