You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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