Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
