My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
