saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
