Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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