Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
