I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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