hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
