He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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