So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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