I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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