Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize