Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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