I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
