Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
