Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
