he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
