we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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