youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
