I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
