My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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