after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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