Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
