I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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