Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
