I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
