those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
