i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
