for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize