I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
