the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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