the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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