Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I love having hate sex.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
