I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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