If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
