Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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