is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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