WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
