I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
