Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
